Last year at the turn of the year I thought what a great year 2020 would be. Never did I expect the world to be totally turned upside down. Everything changed.
The realization that the outbreak of the virus in Wuhan was a serious situation came to me very early. During the first few months of the pandemic and the very first lockdown in March, I made sure that my mother could come live with me and carefully shielded her and myself from any possible danger. I realized that we were both in the high-risk group, her at 85 years old, and I with my trio of chronic conditions of which MS put me most at risk. My immune system often acts like a mad pinball machine, so I keep myself as far away from the virus as possible. Mom stayed with me until May, and then I had to let her leave. She was entitled to her own life and to fulfil her own goals. I was very afraid of being totally alone, and although the summer brought some relief, I still kept to my own strictly established protocol.
My social contacts are mostly virtual, and the phone became my lifeline. I float from conversation to conversation. I am also lucky to have green areas around me; I think that everyone will have discovered this year how beneficial nature can be. There was a lot of walking in 2020! Unfortunately, this also affected me terribly. This year, walking became a thing of the past and it is not easy to accept that. I struggled with this fact for months. Embittered and with regret, I read the many messages on Facebook and saw the photos about the kilometers that people were walking in beautiful surroundings not far from my home. As for me, I walked in the small woods behind my home and tried to be content with my little paradise.
And then, the little magic window opened that is always there when in need finally opened. The electric tricycle that was delivered to me in the spring is becoming more and more familiar to me. My little dog Oliver loves to ride it with me. Sitting in the back of his basket, with his mane flapping in the wind, he enjoys our outings. I discovered that I can also 'walk' with the bike, alongside pedestrians, at a slow pace and at a safe distance. Oliver also learned to walk along beside the bike, so that he can alternate between riding along or sniffing beside me. The tricycle opens many new doors and gives me back the free feeling of being able to rediscover the beautiful wide world outside my own immediate surroundings.
The bicycle also provides the necessary physical distance between myself and other people. In fact, I can move around with ease despite the restrictions. I realized from the beginning of this pandemic that this would require some discipline, but that at some point we would be free from the restrictions. It's just a matter of time. The fact that so many people are making such a fuss about this surprises me and also makes me much more aware of my own flexibility. For thirty years now, I have lived from one day to the next with certain limitations and every day I try to adapt and enjoy what I can do. This has moulded me, this has marked me, and today the reaction of some people who are living in a cocoon surprises me. The limitations of today are not eternal. The end is in sight, the vaccines are in full development, and perhaps we can start counting down to freer, more wonderful times. The next few months will be crucial in this regard.
Human behaviour is dominant in our lives; we demand a lot from nature and think that it is normal that nature adapts to us. This time, however, it is we who must adapt. It is a matter of changing our social behaviour to survive and to protect the weakest amongst ourselves. This turning point in our lives will hopefully make us realize how vulnerable we are in the grand scheme of things and how resourcefulness in creatively dealing with our limitations can reopen worlds.

Hang in there, in the end all will be well.

 

Carine